Drinking to Forget
by Trufreak89
Summary: What if Grissom had been occupied at the end of Butterflied? And the only one there for Sara was a senior CSI? FF content
1. Default Chapter

**Title: **Drinking to forget her

**Summary: **What if Grissom had been preoccupied at the end of shift in 'Bloodlines? And the only person there for Sara was a senior CSI? (F/F)

**Spoiler: **Set during blood lines with references to an earlier season 4 episode

**Disclaimer: **CSI is the respective property of CBS and Anthony E. Zuicker. None of the characters are mine, no matter how hard I wish.

**Rating: **PG-13

**Note: **This story contains Femslash. If you don't like it don't read it. I've given fair warning, so if you read it and suddenly realize that Catherine and Sara are acting unusual don't flame me. Constructive criticism is welcome.

Catherine sat in Grissom's office finishing paperwork before her shift ended. The younger CSI members had all ended the shift earlier and Grissom and Brass were working on a new case. She was just finishing the paper work on the 'Chimera' case when Grissom's phone rang.

"Hello? Is that Doctor Grissom?" A young man asked hesitantly.

"No. This is CSI Willows. Can I help you?" Catherine replied.

"I have a CSI Sidle here with me downstairs in the lobby. I pulled her over in her car, she was over the limit..."

"What?" Catherine shrieked.

"I...I need to inform her supervisor ma'am."

"I'm a senior CSI. I'll make sure Doctor Grissom finds out, I'll be down in just a sec."

Catherine ran from her office and into the elevator to go down to the lobby. When she walked up to Sara and the young officer she frowned. "How the hell could you be so stupid?" She was red in the face from anger and Sara couldn't look her in the eye.

"I'm letting her off with a warning...this time. They've just lowered the limit."

"Thank you officer." Catherine thanked him and then turned her attention to Sara when he left.

"Grissom gonna be pissed." She folded her arms over her chest as she stood over the younger brunette.

"Think he'll even notice?" Sara muttered bitterly. Catherine sighed and shook her head. "He notices you Sara. He's just too dumb to tell you. C'mon, I'll give you a ride home."

Sara trailed her feet as they walked to Catherine's car. She knew the senior CSI was disappointed in her. Then of course she was Sara Sidle; she was always letting herself down, never mind others. Everyone she knew could describe her in the same three words, perfectionist, workaholic and stubborn. No one thought of her as a human woman, she was just a work-obsessed perfectionist who had a crush on Gil Grissom. People really didn't know her, but then why would they? She never let anyone in close enough to find out who she was.

When Catherine drove passed the turn off for Sara's home she finally broke the uncomfortable silence that had filled the car. "You missed the turn." Catherine shook her head.

"I don't want you on your own tonight. You can stay over at my place." Sara was about to argue when Catherine shook her head.

"Sara, you may be stubborn, but I'm obstinate. So don't bother arguing." Sara closed her mouth and lay her head on the cool glass of the passenger window.

When they entered Catherine's house she explained that Lindsay was at a friends house for the night and then she ushered Sara into the living room while she made coffee. "Are you going to tell Grissom?" Sara asked meekly as she took her coffee from Catherine's hand.

"I have to Sara...Look, Brass told me something a while ago. It was when you were working on that case with the husband and wife lying on the drive of their home." Sara nodded. She knew Brass couldn't keep his mouth shut.

"I guess Jim's been telling tales." She muttered bitterly. "I explained it to him. I had a beer at breakfast to help me unwind and then I got called in. It was only one beer Catherine!"

"Maybe you should talk to someone. Like a councillor." Sara laughed and shook her head at the irony of her suggestion.

"I can't even talk to my colleagues, how the hell would I talk to a stranger?" She pouted and sunk back on Catherine's couch. Catherine placed a hand on her leg and squeezed it gently.

'We're more than colleagues Sara. We're friends. If you ever need to talk...I know Grissom ignoring you can be..." Sara shook her head and let tears roll down her cheeks.

"It hasn't been about Grissom in a long time." She avoided Catherine's gaze as she spoke and the older woman used her thumb to brush away the tears from Sara's cheeks.

"Talk to me Sara."

"I...I can't. You wouldn't understand."

"Sara, something you and Gil don't seem to realize is that you're both human, just like the rest of us. We all need a shoulder to cry on." Catherine embraced the younger woman as se burst into tears.

"I'm mhpin mhump mhhip mu." Sara murmured into Catherine's shoulder. She drew back with her arms still around Sara to hear what she had said.

"What was that?"

Sara dropped her gaze once more as she repeated the sentence. "I'm...in...love...with..."

"He'll notice you, Sara. He'd be a damn fool not to."

"This isn't about Grissom!" Sara shouted and then stopped as she realized what Catherine had said to her.

"You're beautiful and strong Sara, don't ever forget that." Her gaze was burning into Sara as she spoke.

Sara exploded inside. She was sick of everyone still thinking she was besotted with Grissom. She'd gotten over him a long time ago. Even when she'd heard him talking to Vincent Lurie she'd felt nothing. It wasn't Grissom she wanted. Leaning forward she captured Catherine's lips and sighed as she kissed her back.

"I said I'm in love with you." Sara mumbled as they broke for air. Catherine's eyes were aflame with emotion as Sara spoke the words she'd waited to hear for so long. Sara smiled as Catherine repeated the words. As they kissed for a second time Sara knew she'd finally found someone to let in and get to know the real Sara Sidle. The one who was in love with Catherine Willows and drank to forget that painful fact. Sara made a decision as Catherine's tongue gently caressed her own. She was going teetotal. She didn't need to drink anymore. She had something much better.

When Grissom returned to his office in the morning he noticed a young police officer standing outside. "Doctor Grissom? Uh, I forgot to give you CSI her badge back. I'm real sorry." Grissom raised his eyebrow at the young officer as he handed him Sara's badge. "I guess your colleague hasn't had a chance to tell you. I pulled her over last night for being a little over the limit...uh, a CSI Willows said she'd take care of her." Grissom nodded and thanked him politely.

As soon as Grissom was alone in his office he picked up the phone and dialled Catherine's house. Catherine picked up on the third ring.

"Why didn't you tell me Sara had been pulled over last night?"

"Morning to you too Grissom." Catherine's exhausted voice replied. "She had too much too drink. Don't worry. I took care of her. We'll talk when I get in later. Bye." When she hung up Sara wrapped her arms around her and pulled her close for a kiss.

"We've still got a while before work, if you want to take 'care' of me again." She wore a sly grin as she spoke and Catherine smiled.

"I think I couldn't manage. You know why?"

"Why?"

"Because I love you Sara."

Fin


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: **Drinking to forget her

**Summary: **What if Grissom had been preoccupied at the end of shift in 'Bloodlines? (F/F)

**Spoiler: **Set during blood lines with references to an earlier season 4 episode

**Disclaimer: **CSI is the respective property of CBS and Anthony E. Zuicker. None of the characters are mine, no matter how hard I wish.

**Rating: **PG-13

**Note: **This story contains Femslash. If you don't like it don't read it. I've given fair warning, so if you read it and suddenly realize that Catherine and Sara are acting unusual don't flame me. Constructive criticism is welcome.

When Sara and Catherine finally managed to pull themselves out of bed and get to work they sat in traffic in Catherine's car and discussed what they would do. "I don't know if I'm ready for everyone to know about us...or me even." Sara muttered, afraid that muttering the very word 'us' would cause Catherine to burst out laughing or deny there was an 'us' involved.

"That's okay sweetie." She squeezed her leg softly. "Whenever you're ready." Catherine smiled at the small grin that spread over Sara's features.

"So there is an 'us'?" Catherine lent forward and captured her lips.

"There will always be an 'us'."

When Catherine and Sara walked past Grissom's office he was instantly on his feet. "Catherine, Sara, can you come in my office for a minute?" Sara's eyes grew wide with panic, until Catherine smiled and mouthed 'always' before entering Grissom's office first.

He sat behind his desk, his eyes dark and broody. His expression was a mixture of anger and sympathy. As the two expressions mixed it only made him look older than he was and the brilliant Doctor Grissom looked like nothing more than a tired old man. "Why'd you do it Sara?" He finally broke the tense silence in the room. Sara's eyes darted guiltily towards Catherine before she answered.

"I was upset, it won't happen again." Grissom shook his head of salt and pepper hair and sighed.

"Sara, if you're having problems then I think you take some time off-"

"Was." Catherine interrupted. "She was having problems. We dealt with them, Gil."

Sara risked a small smile at Catherine for the support, but Grissom had noticed. "Catherine should have called me last night! I'm your supervisor..." Sara laughed and he stopped his sanctimonious lecture.

"Catherine was there for me, which is more than you ever were."

Grissom didn't need to be told anymore. He could see from the way both women's hands kept growing closer and then pulling apart as they realized he was there, that something was going on. A small smile touched his lips. "You told her?" He was looking at Catherine. The older woman blushed and nodded and then took hold of Sara's hand. Sara was shocked by her action and sent her a worried glance.

"He knows." Catherine explained. "I told him a while ago how I felt about you."

Sara was confused by Grissom's pleasant smile. "You're not upset? I mean...I heard you. With Vincent Lurie, I heard what you said." His smile wavered slightly at the corners of his mouth, but he recovered quickly.

"I'm just glad you're happy, Sara."

"Grissom..." Warrick paused as he took in the scene. Grissom was smiling and Cath and Sara were holding hands. "Uh, there's been a drive by in North Las Vegas. I need another CSI."

"I'll help." Catherine kissed Sara as she let go of her hand. "I love you Hun." Warrick stood perplexed at the two women. Catherine shook her head and took Warrick by the arm. "Close your mouth Warrick, you're drooling." Warrick looked from Sara and then to Catherine and nodded.

"About time one of you made a move."

Sara sat in the break room and looked up from her book as Nick entered. "Apparently Greg thinks there's a conspiracy. The reason neither you or Catherine won't go out with him is because you're together." He grinned until Sara nodded.

"Actually it's a pretty recent thing. Even if I were straight I wouldn't date Greg." Sara watched as Nick's brain processed the information.

"I heard about last night."

"Damn that was fast, did Catherine tell...you're talking about me getting pulled over aren't you?"

"I like Sara's story better." Greg grinned as he appeared at the doorway. "Please continue. You and Catherine last night..." Sara scowled and Greg raised his hands in submission. "Sorry Sara...I'll ask Cath when she gets back." He strolled out of the room like nothing out of the ordinary had happened and Nick shook his head.

"I swear he needs medical attention..."

"Nick, Sara, there's been a hit and run in North Las Vegas. I need you two out there pronto." Grissom ordered causing Sara and Nick to jump to their feet.

"Sure thing boss." Nick replied, accompanied with his boyish grin.

When Nick parked the car a few feet away from the ambulance Sara gazed out of the passenger seat and took in the sight. A paramedic and young officer walked up to them as they stepped out of Sara's Chevrolet Tahoe.

"We have a Caucasian female, 5'6" and blonde. Witnesses said she stepped out of her car and an SUV came flying out of nowhere. She didn't have time to get out of the way." The officer explained.

"We're taking her to the hospital as soon as we know her neck isn't broken, but from her injuries we'll be lucky if she isn't D.O.A..." Sara looked past the two men to the ambulance parked next to Warrick's SUV.

"No...no...no"

Before Nick knew what was happening Sara was running over to the scene and the woman who lay on a stretcher as the paramedics put her in the ambulance. When he saw Warrick's car he put two and two together and ran after Sara. He managed to grab her by the waist just as she reached the scene. "Catherine!" Sara screamed as she looked at the barely conscious woman. She looked frail and bruised, nothing like her usual tough, outgoing appearance.

"S-sara..." Catherine mumbled. Nick let go of her and Sara ran to her side. "Sara...don't cry..." Sara's tears were flowing too strong for her to do as Catherine asked and it only made the tears come faster.

"You'll be okay." Sara soothed as she took her hand in the ambulance. "You're a fighter Catherine...you're gonna' be fine." The paramedic looked over to Sara as he fussed around Catherine and gave her a look that sent all of her hopes crashing, but she wouldn't let Catherine see it.

"You can't leave me Catherine. I love you. I love you so much and we're supposed to be together..."

"Always." Catherine muttered, as her eyelids grew far heavier than usual. "We will be...I love you S-sara...always..." Her hand grew weak and the machine she was attached to started screaming in protest, as it couldn't detect her heartbeat. Sara knew exactly how it felt.


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: **Drinking to forget her

**Summary: **What if Grissom had been preoccupied at the end of shift in 'Bloodlines? (F/F)

**Spoiler: **Set during blood lines with references to an earlier season 4 episode

**Disclaimer: **CSI is the respective property of CBS and Anthony E. Zuicker. None of the characters are mine, no matter how hard I wish.

**Rating: **PG-13

**Note: **This story contains Femslash. If you don't like it don't read it. I've given fair warning, so if you read it and suddenly realize that Catherine and Sara are acting unusual don't flame me. Constructive criticism is welcome.

Three days later 

Sara stood behind the pane of glass that separated her from the driver of the SUV that had run over Catherine. He was middle-aged with slightly greying hair and a business suit that should have made him look sharp and intimidating, but the anguish in his face made him look weak and vulnerable.

Grissom had brought in an outsider to handle the case, Sara had protested, but in the end gave in. She didn't want to mess up the case and any justice she could get for Catherine.

The temporary CSI on the case was from dayshift, Sara had seen him once or twice when she'd worked overtime, but he didn't know any of the night shift, he didn't love the woman who the man had slammed into, he hadn't seen her as she lay dying in an ambulance. Sara tried to concentrate on what the man was saying.

"I'd just gotten this big merger deal at work. It took months to get...so a few colleagues and me went for a drink. I was just gonna' have one, I thought I could handle it, but then I had a few shots and I got in my car to drive home...I remember hitting _something_, I just didn't remember it was a woman...I'm so sorry."

Sara snapped at his explanation and stormed into the room, grabbing him by the collar she shoved him against a wall. "You're sorry? You ran into her because you were too drunk to control your car! You slammed your SUV into her at forty miles an hour because you were celebrating your job! Why don't you say sorry to her daughter, the one who lost father a few months ago? Why don't you say sorry to me? I watched her in the ambulance as the monitor stopped and she said she loved me! Why don't you say sorry to everyone who knew her...?"

Warrick and the day shift CSI pulled her away from her and Sara broke down in tears as Warrick held her protectively in his arms and rocked her backwards and forwards to soothe her. Later that day Jeremy Clark, the SUV driver, was charged with death by dangerous driving and hit and run.

On a cold and wet Saturday morning in Bozeman Montana, Catherine's hometown, Sara Sidle and the rest of the night shift, as well as Greg stood by Catherine's grave and listened to the priest's sermon. Lindsay stood holding Sara's hand and tears lined the cheeks of both girls.

Once the sermon was said and all of Catherine's family had said goodbye, Catherine's sister took Lindsay with her, and the night shift, her second family, said their own goodbyes. Sara was the last as the cemetery emptied and she was left only with the cold rain and the memory of Catherine.

She'd already laid a red rose on the casket, but now, just like Catherine, it was buried six feet below ground. "Why did you have to leave Catherine? I loved you and you left me all alone." Her tears fell freely from her cheeks and mingled with the rainwater that beat down upon her. "You said there'd always be an us. How can there be if you aren't here? It took us so long to see the truth that it was too late...I'm scared Catherine, I don't think I can make it on my own." Sara looked down to the tombstone and a faint smile touched her lips as she read what it said.

'Catherine Willows 

_March 26, 1963-November 3rd 2003_

_Never doubt and never look back. That's how I live my life.' _

When Sara arrived back in Las Vegas she went straight home and into her kitchen. Raiding the cupboard and refrigerator she gathered every bit of alcohol she could find and opened the first bottle that came to hand. '_She was having problems. We dealt with them, Gil.' _ She could hear Catherine's voice as if she were standing right behind her and sighed. She didn't know if she could deal with her life if Catherine wasn't in it. Raising the bottle she paused and then shook her head. She was doing what she needed to do.

The smooth, clear vodka ran freely from the bottle and splashed off the sink before disappearing forever. "Always." Sara mumbled before starting on the next bottle. She was forgetting drink, for her.

Fin


End file.
